Good joke day

Today, I received two funnies via email that actually made me giggle...this is not typically the case as I tend to receive a whole bunch of stuff that I have seen before...and that didn't make me laugh the first time around. Anyway, I had to share these two - the first from my Mom, the 2nd from one of my AACE amigos, Todd:

God asks Joe Paterno first: "What do you believe?" Joe thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Paterno, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Tom Osborne and says, "What do you believe?" Tom says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Tom's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Rich Rodriquez: "And you, Rich, what do you believe?" Rich replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits' end and dunks the drunk in the water again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs, he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"